Happy New Year!

I've been enjoying this Christmas break ~ spending precious time with the kiddos, having friends and family over for casual get-togethers, and simply enjoying the slower, lazy pace of a much-needed break.

I quit the New Year's resolution thing many years ago, because no matter how good my intentions were, I always failed within the first few weeks.  

However, this year finds me more reflective, more desirous to draw closer to God.  My pastor's sermon for the New Year was taken from Philippians chapter 3, verses 9 through 14:

"...And be found in him, not having my own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect:  but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended:  but this one thing I do,

forgetting what is behind and reaching forth to those thing which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." 

I got saved when I was 12 years old in July of 1980.  Although I had been raised in church my entire life (I was 5 days old the first time I went to church) and had made professions of faith, it wasn't until shortly before my 12th birthday that I realized I needed a Savior.  Once I was saved, I felt different ~ changed.

However, worldly desires soon took precedence in my life until 10 years ago.  I remember sitting in my living room late at night after a long day with two little ones under the age of 4.  The hubs and I had been in ministry, were serving faithfully in our church, and still I felt being sucked down into the mire and oppression of a morass. 

I remember whispering bitterly into the darkened room, "God, do You really even exist?"

Me, a church-goer my entire life.  Me, a Bible history know-it-all.  Me, a winner of trophies for saying the most memory verses in Sunday school.  Me, a ministry worker.  Me, a pastor's wife.  I actually.  Doubted. God.

Circumstances had bruised and wounded me beyond endurance, Satan's darts had pierced and shattered my soul.  I had literally collapsed, bleeding to death, no longer able to crawl, let alone fight.  I had pitched forward, my face in the mud, utterly and totally defeated.  My heart had turned to stone and was as cold as ice.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit in me.  

Cast me not away from thy presence: and take not Thy holy spirit from me.  

Restore to me the joy of thy salvation..." 

I prayed that scripture just because I was prompted to from a book I was reading.  "Let's see if You're real. If You're really there, then do it.  I dare You."  I muttered darkly to my patient Father.

It took several days, but slowly my heart melted, my tears turning it from stone back into a heart of flesh that was ready to be healed ~ to beat again with love, thankfulness, joy and peace.  I had been redeemed.

I share this because I want my life to be in unity with Christ ~ not by my own achievement, but by His.  I want to get to know Him more intimately.  I want to life my life to the fullest extent that God has purposed for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)  

I want to forget the things of the past ~ all the things that can hinder me ~ as I stretch toward the goal ~ to live each day for Christ, until I see Him face to face.

May you have a blessed new year!